Woepsie's Weeklies

[woepsie]

After reading Demi's post, i wrote a special daily quest. It was fun, so i wrote another one.
Awesome as this game is, it would be nice if there would be more "Evil" in "Days of Evil". I read on the German forum that the developers agree with that, so here is my suggestion of weekly quests! Or quests when you level up, or when you reach a certain amount of honor or whatever.
I have a few quests ready that i'll post once a week. If you like them, let me know, and i will happily post more. If you don't like them, let me know, and i will happily post more.
I put it on the off-topic board because my stories are too silly to be serious

For completion, here is the first one:

Imps of the world unite!
on reaching 1000 imps
One of your imps got his hands on a book by a guy called Marcks or something, and has been behaving in odd ways. For example, he has been trying to grow a beard. It is even rumoured that he used the word "union" in public. You give the case some thought and come up with 4 ways to deal with this:

1. Cut off his tongue, just to be sure.
2. Cut off his head, just to be sure.
3. Find out who taught the imp to read.
4. Send him to work with Gendy, and hope the rumour is true.

Possible outcomes:
1. You are very pleased with yourself: your minions now have a reminder of who's boss. Too bad their tiny minds have such a short memory, and the effect will be only temporary.
(+1% production bonus for the remainder of the day)
2. Oh no, now you've done it! You created a martyr, you silly amateur. Being Evil is not only about being brutal, but also about being subtle. Now it will take some effort to get your imps back in line.
(-1% production for the remainder of the day)
3. Outraged, you demand your torturers to find out who is responsible for this. After 5 minutes they return. You raise an inquisitive eyebrow. And then the terrible truth hits you. Remember that drunken evening in the guild tavern, where you got into a bragging contest about who has the best workers? Yup, you made a bet you could teach your imps how to read and tried to prove it right away. Apparently you succeeded. Since punishing yourself would be silly, you order the execution of the torturers.
(-3 imps)
4. Giggling, Gloating and Guffawing you send the imp on his way. You feel all warm and fuzzy inside, could this be what they call "happiness"? Now all that remains is a little patience. Life is good.
(a week later: Gendy loses all his imps and automatically drops out of top10)

[woepsie]

So here's the second one:

To team, or not to team, that's the question
on donating for the guild the third time
After donating another arm and a leg to the Guild Effort, you feel ill at ease. The scrooge within you keeps whispering in your ear: "Surely there must be a way to contribute without actually contributing anything."
You sink back into your throne and start to ponder. After a while you even tell your servants to close the dungeon door. The sounds that come out of there soothe you normally, but right now they're a distraction.
After some time you reach the following possibilities:

1. Stop donating to your guild and claim the game is bugged and it doesn't show up.
2. Create your own guild and proclaim yourself king. At least when you donate now, it's to yourself.
3. Claim on the forum that you equipped a unit with a fish, a leather belt, a goat and a beer, and your whole inventory mysteriously emptied itself.

Possible outcomes:
1. Your guild mates feel insulted. Of course not because you're trying to cheat, on the contrary, they appreciate the thought. It's just that you're taking them for naive fools. You'd better appease them quick, you naive fool.
(you automatically donate 1000 gold and a bottle of wine to each guild member)
2. Right. Whatever. You must have the IQ of a turnip. Go find some friends, maybe on the market.
(turnips from the market cost 3,45 gold for the remainder of the day)
3. This time you went too far. You have called upon yourself the wrath of Uiqua. Luckily this most powerful Technomancer is too busy with updates to keep you hexed for long.
(all your units are equipped with a fish, a leather belt, a goat and a beer for the remainder of the day)

[GYNDE]

"having tried to let Woepsie catch up, Gendy yawns and buys another 2000 imps - puts 1750 of them to work 24x7 and uses the other 250 for purposes to vile to speak of here."
by GYNDE

[DiannaDark]

sorry

[woepsie]

Thanks for posting your imp-pimp Gendy, for completeness eh :p

I am usually so quiet

Lol, suuuuuuure.

[DiannaDark]

[woepsie]

Stop spamming my thread please.Now nobody will read it.

[woepsie]

Ok, part 3 of Woepsie's Weeklies is here

The Art of War
on reaching 10k honor points
Today, you wake up and feel the urge to punch somebody. This in itself is not particularly exceptional, but today you start to beat up your teddy-warrigul. Ah, one of those days! Good. You energetically jump out of bed and rush to the arena.
You leap up the stairs to your private balcony, tense with anticipation. To your deep disappointment you are too early. The arena floor is empty. Now what?

1. You polish your mech till it blinks like the moor skulkers' teeth, climb into it, blast open the arena doors, and scream defiant challenge to the waiting, breakfasting audience. They fall silent, probably scared to death by your amazing spectacle.
2. You grab some armor and weapons and join the group of fighters waiting to be released, "accidentally" stabbing the arena timekeeper a bit when holstering your sword. It's time to prove you're still as skillful and athletic as in your young days.
3. You order your butler and your sommelier to get armed and start fighting each other, on the balcony. The butler only has one leg and his other foot is set backwards (because he tried to run off last year), and the sommelier has no thumbs (he was born that way, really!). This should prove to be quite an unique fight. You settle down to watch, but due to all the excitement not in your usual seat.

Possible outcomes:
1. Did you really think you'd scare them? After the crowd gets over their initial astonishment, a rain of eggs, fruits and other assorted overripe merchandise starts to shower on your mech. The sight of stains on your shiny mech drives you into a frantic rage, and you shoot up the place. Oh crap, no fights until the arena is rebuilt.
(no new bloodlust at next server day)
2. Too late you remember that you're not one of those Evil Lords that gain power by cutting off heads, but one of those Evil Lords that gain power by ordering others to cut off heads. You therefore have no practical combat experience. Oops. The arena door creaks open and the charging group of fighters carry you with them. Oh dear, this will not be pleasant.
(all arena fights the next day will result in losses)
3. What happens next is... undescribable. After the events have subsided, you find yourself bewildered upside down under your seat. The audience and waiting gladiators are all shouting your name in extacy, and your whole staff of servants lies around, under and on top of the balcony, slain by utter randomness from the combatants. In the middle of it all, the butler and the sommelier are still trying to hit each other. Wow, that was awesome!
(all arena fights the next day will result in wins)

[D11M]

lol,good things i picked the last one

[woepsie]

Oops here is a Woepsie's Week-and-a-halfly:

White Collar Competition
on having bought/sold 10k items through the market
While scouring the market for bargains and people to rip off (which is about the same thing), you notice that a notorious priceshark has undercut all your goods by 0,01 gold. A sigh escapes you. Oh no, not that nonsense again. Last time you spent 2 hours making all your products 0,02 gold cheaper. What to do?

1. You can't come up with an effective way to counter this behaviour, and the sell must go on. Grumpily you get to work, dictating your scribes the new prices.
2. In a fit of rage you price down all products to 1g a piece. Hah! That'll screw up that guys sales!
3. Despondent you take all your products off the market and sell them to the travelling merchant. Wow, in 3 months you will get a million gold back. You yawn. Ah well, at least there is no more stress.

Possible outcomes:
1. After 2 long and boring hours of looking at, comparing to and adjusting of prizes, you remember that your membership of the elite Congregation of the Soul Swallowers has expired, and those scoundrel merchants therefore dare to charge you for their services. You just worked very hard to lose a lot of gold. Way to go, buddy...
(award: 24 hours of premium account)
2. Within 5 minutes, the priceshark bought all of your goods. Half an hour later they are all back on the market, for normal prices. The priceshark sends you a friendly note in which he thanks you for your cooperation. Your agonized scream makes even your hardened and experienced torturers go pale in the face.
(award: 24 hours no market access, you dumbass)
3. Right after you hit the sell button, there is an update: all merchant prizes are doubled, with a maximum travel time of 24 hours. Out of sheer frustration that your German language skills are non-existent, you sell your firstborn child.
(award: a "firstborn" timer will appear in the merchant menu, which will give you 1 million gold after a week)